Today I found the following question posted on the Internet.
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can me and my ex come to an agreement on visitation without having to sue each other for custody?
i live in texas harris county. i want visitation of my children but i dont want to have to sue for sole custody or joint custody of my children. they can live with him but i just want him to agree that i can see them and if i have to go to court or have some sort of court order for visitation thats fine but i dont want to drag my children through the warfare that is the court system by suing him for sole or joint custody and i cant afford the lawyer. if he will agree to it and if there is a way we could do it by being civil about it is this possible.? is mediation an option?
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Here is my answer.
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Mediation is a very effective and inexpensive way to resolve child custody dispute like yours. In addition, nowadays mediation can be conducted not only face-to-face (at the mediator’s office) but also online (through video or phone conference, and email). The latter option is particularly useful when parents, like in your case, live far away from each other.
Just in case you have never participated in mediation before, this is in a nutshell how it works.
A neutral mediator will help you and your ex stay focused only your children (rather than on your past marriage), and resolve all issues about them, for example:
- Where is your children’s primary residence?
- Who will make decisions about them – only one parent, or both?
- How much time they will spend with their mom and dad?
- Who will pay for their food, clothes, health insurance, education, sports activity, and so on?
- Which parent will be contacted by your children’s doctor or school in case of an emergency?
- What happens if you or your ex decide to start a new relationship with someone else. Will that person be allowed to play any role in your children’s life?
Needless to say, the list of issues that you and your ex can discuss in mediation about your children can be short or very long. The underlying concept of mediation, however, is quite simple. The more you and your ex can work things out peacefully by yourselves, the easier you will make it for your children to accept that, even though the two of you are divorced, they still have and can count on their mom and dad.
Keep in mind that the mediator, being neutral, has no authority to make any decisions. In mediation, it is up to you and your spouse to decide whether or not the above issues can be resolved with a mutually acceptable agreement.
After you reach such agreement, the mediator will write everything down. Next, you have to incorporate your agreement into the legal documents required by your family court. Depending on how helpful is the Information Desk of your family court, you and your ex may be able to take care of that paperwork by yourselves; or your may have to hire a paralegal to do it for you; or (worst case scenario), you may have to hire an attorney – but just for a few hours; again, only to incorporate your mediated agreement into the legal forms required by your family court.
From what you wrote, it seems to me that if your ex agrees with you that it is much better not to drag your children through the court system, that’s an excellent starting point. In that case, the chances that the two of you can work things out quickly and inexpensively in mediation are quite high.
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